The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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