no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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