I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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