she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
