We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
