your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
