She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
