How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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