Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
