I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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