I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
