Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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