I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Congratulations! We have a period
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
