she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
