I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
