so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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