then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
