don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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