It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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