dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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