I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
