No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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