i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
