She's JV to your varsity
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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