you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
