i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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