Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
