guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
