Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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