party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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