I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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