Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
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Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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