She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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