I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
