I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
