is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
