I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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