Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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