Kiss
Puke
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
