D3 body, D1 cock
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
