It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
