I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
