yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
