I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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