Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
