how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
