"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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