I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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