she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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