I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize