We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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