I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
