Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
