last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
