not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I will pee on everything he values.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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