my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize