well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
