He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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