I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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