Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What drink are we having for lunch?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
