bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
