your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
