So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
