i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?