Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
