I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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