Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
