I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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