before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
