Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
