i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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