Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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