the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
