Where is the hickey?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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