I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize