I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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